Conservatives worried new disease could kill more of them.

The announcement that President Obama plans to continue the fight to close Guantanamo and bring the terror suspects to the United States for trial and detention has caused at least three deaths among conservatives. At first doctors were puzzled by the cause-dehydration.

Dr. Vinny Boombah, New Jersey's Chief of Pathology was mystified until he noticed a common condition shared by all three deaths. "Each one had large urine stains running down both pants legs," he said. "At first I couldn't figure out what caused it. Maybe the bladder released upon death or they suffered from some unknown disease we had never seen before.

But when Dr. Boombah contacted other states' pathologists they too reported the same strange patterns. The break came when a conservative, near death, was brought into the emergency room of Integris Hospital in Oklahoma City. While physicians worked to save his life he overheard the television in the waiting room tuned into Fox News. Upon hearing anchor Steve Doocy rant against President Obama's push to reinvigorate the Employee Free Choice Act the patient loudly wailed in terror and urinated down his leg then expired.

Dr. Boombah has strongly recommended that all conservative radio and television news and commentary programs warn their listeners to consume at least eight ounces of water per every fifteen minutes of listening. He explained that the fluid loss was as severe as heavy physical activity in excessive heat and urged audiences to limit the amount of fear they ingest in a twenty-four hour period.

Most medical experts have noticed a link between conservative political beliefs and a tendency to startle or scare easily. Accordingly the American Institute on Pants Pissing has issued a strong warning to most Republicans to reduce their exposure to Rush Limbaugh and especially Glen Beck.

"We normally saw these wide spread episodes around recess time at most junior high schools. Now we're seeing them at adult functions where the television in restaurants or bars are tuned to Fox News or talk radio. We hope that people just learn drink more, wear Depends in public and try to watch more public television," said Michael Updegarde of the AIPP.