How Red is Your State?
My state, Oklahoma, gave John McCain the highest percentage of votes in all the states he won (and Barack the lowest).
John McCain won every county in the state.
Our state legislature is controlled by the Republican Party.
We're so Red that even though the Supreme Court has said it's illegal to put Ten Commandment monuments on public property we told the Ruth Bader Ginsburg Supreme Court to go screw itself we was gonna do it anyway.
We are still gonna give ever school child the right to refuse answering certain questions in school. If the answer just might insult your religious upbringing you can just tell the teacher to stuff it. Next time Old Man Goolsby wants my boy, Ansel to tell 'em what pi is he can just tell him that is against his religion and there ain't a damned thing he can do about it.
We gonna kill frivolous lawsuits deader than a Pinto driver that backed into the side of a Chevy pick-up. All pain? No gain!!!
Our Wal-Marts are at the top of the high-end shopping districts.
The only evolution we hear about around here is that old timey Beatles album.
Rush Limbaugh is our state spokesman.
The only thing separating our church from our state is a property line but both are mowed by the same guy.
English is the only official state language, excepting all them other languages that the Tribes are speaking at their various casinos and the occasional Spanish you hear above the roar of the mowers and thuds from roofing hammers.
Illegal immigrants? Hell we make them damned Texans show us a green card just to get across the Red River.
We replaced the statue Sequoyah in the state house with one of Garth Brooks.
And your state?
John McCain won every county in the state.
Our state legislature is controlled by the Republican Party.
We're so Red that even though the Supreme Court has said it's illegal to put Ten Commandment monuments on public property we told the Ruth Bader Ginsburg Supreme Court to go screw itself we was gonna do it anyway.
We are still gonna give ever school child the right to refuse answering certain questions in school. If the answer just might insult your religious upbringing you can just tell the teacher to stuff it. Next time Old Man Goolsby wants my boy, Ansel to tell 'em what pi is he can just tell him that is against his religion and there ain't a damned thing he can do about it.
We gonna kill frivolous lawsuits deader than a Pinto driver that backed into the side of a Chevy pick-up. All pain? No gain!!!
Our Wal-Marts are at the top of the high-end shopping districts.
The only evolution we hear about around here is that old timey Beatles album.
Rush Limbaugh is our state spokesman.
The only thing separating our church from our state is a property line but both are mowed by the same guy.
English is the only official state language, excepting all them other languages that the Tribes are speaking at their various casinos and the occasional Spanish you hear above the roar of the mowers and thuds from roofing hammers.
Illegal immigrants? Hell we make them damned Texans show us a green card just to get across the Red River.
We replaced the statue Sequoyah in the state house with one of Garth Brooks.
And your state?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carl Owen on -
Oh and did I mention that being the only state in the union to have a show tune for a state song we are definitely the unGayest place in America!
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Permalink Reply by alaskacat on -
Well our state Alaska is so red our governor (you may have seen her in the news this fall) only wears red.
Our state is so red we shoot wild animals out of helicopters, the ones our governor doesn't shoot with her assault weapons.
Our state is so red we all say things like "you betcha" & "there's Russia." Also.
Our state is so red we vote in office people who say "you betcha" & "there's Russia" but then we vote for convicted felons too as long as they are republican.
Our state is so red we all said "thanks but no thanks to a bridge to nowhere" even tho we were really all supported it.
Our state is so red we all ride around on snow machines saying "you betcha."
Our state is so red our governor gives the opening remarks for our secessionist party.
Did I mention we can see Russia also from land here in Alaska?
I trump your Rush Limbaugh with our gal Sarah. You betcha. Does Rush have his own Team of Moonies?
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Permalink Reply by Maynard on -
My state is so red, it's the home of Jackie Broyles.
Sorry to embarass the rest of you like this, but it's true.
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Permalink Reply by Earl Grubbs on -
I too live in the home state of Jackie Broyles. 'Nuff said!
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Permalink Reply by Carl Owen on
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Well Jackie is a tough one to top (I noticed no one claimed Dunlap, he ain't Texan is he?). Alaska might have Sarah Palin (another toughie to beat) but we got not ONE but TWO of the reddest U.S. Senators around Tom (Dr. No) Coburn and Jim (Global Warming is the greatest hoax of all-time) Inhofe. Our state is so red we don't even allow green as one of the two Christmas colors. Hell we don't "green" nothing! As a matter of fact we don't recycle NOTHIN! The highest point anywhere in the entire city of Oklahoma City is our south landfill we named in the honor of our past mayor. We call it Mount Humphrey! I think we got more mega-churches than WAL-MARTS! WE'RE SO RED THE FOUR MAJOR FOOD GROUPS HERE ARE FAT, SALT, SUGAR AND ALCOHOL!
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Permalink Reply by What-a-Dick on
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Wisconsin/ Minnesota whatever... get used to it.
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Permalink Reply by Carl Owen on
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So even our second tier state public university, Oklahoma State University or as it's affectionately known here as Silo Tech (MOO U is also acceptable) beat the first tier university of Tennessee. Can Duke be the next victim?
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Permalink Reply by Fang1944 on -
In Texas we always knew that Oklahomans were the "great unwashed" that H.L,. Mencken talked about. This pretty well confirms it.
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Permalink Reply by Carl Owen on
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Oh yeah? So's when the last time Rick "The Hair" Perry used a little Breck? Ive seen less oil under my Uncle Delbert's Dodge than on his 'do. Plus we're hoping you guys are serious about seceding. Other than that all's well here in the home of the largest contingent of the Mac Brown Fan Club.
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