GOD LOVES ME & IS ALSO MAD @ ME !

I didn't know how to behave as a child

this is a PARADOX existence

a Yin-Yang Reality of ZEN-Truths



It was never enough Alone that I wanted to Behave

I also needed to Not Want to Misbehave



I wuz 6 years old

dropped off in a Wilderness (an EDEN)



I don't ever recall seeing my father or mother Ever



I chased birds, screaming at them...for whatever reason was little known to me



I used to chase after this Girl named Chocolate-Red-Kisses



and she would lead me to places and sometimes i would find her and we would have sex

and other times she lead me to places and she was not there

which would make me sad and make me mad



Until the day I turned 30 years old and rid myslef of Chocolate-Red-Kisses

i banished her from my life forever and i vowed to never be fooled over "Love" ever again



my thirties went ok

it wasn't until i was 40 years old that i started to really turn into a REAL BAD APPLE



i was drinking, doing drugs, getting into fights(with helpless innocent people no less)



I wuz 40, i though myself smart, i KNEW things and was capable of DOING things that I thought made me DANGEROUS and thus a Force to be reckoned with



my forties took a VIOLENT turn for the worst

i became SEXUALLY ABUSIVE and VIOLENT and Destructive on many Levels



until i was aroud the age of 50...

when my father came home (i had never met this person before)...

and he BEAT my little BUTT for 7 days and 2 nights (the nights were as long as a Full Day {24 'hours' each})



in case you were wondering

the nights were composed of him Raping the crap out of me and also Beatings

..

In Truth it was because i was Lustuous, Violent, and Dishonest (out of control!)



after he was done, he grabbed me by the Neck, Collar and set me before my Life

Which i had known (and even though i was never one to pick up after myself) I Was going to pick up this huge mess without Complaining, Feeling Sorry For Myself, NON-STOP until this HUGE, LARGE, GRANDIOSE mess was Spakling, Clean..



I always thought myself pretty tough

but i really didn't want my father to hit me anymore

and he stood there over my shoulder and was watching me



I picked up as much as the mess as i could

until i did start crying and he asked me "why am I crying"



I always thought myself a Good Guy

I DIDN'T want to Be a Piece of Crap when I "grew up" (as i stand admist blood and havoc I had caused on purpose cause I thought that i thought that it was funny:(



the birds reminded me about Chocolate-Red-Kisses, and how stupid i was

i only loved her for the sex

and the real reason i turned so angry is because she wouldn't have sex with me anymore



My father was Angry at me, but I could tell that he DID IN FACT LOVE ME

is was somewhere in the awful G-Darn Beating he gave me



so I was Motivated

I was always too HARD ON MYSELF (which made things hard for me)



i started cleaning up the mess just here and there

where it made the most sense



and I vowed to Look Over All the Mistakes I had made

..

I never wanted to be in this AWFUL PLACE EVER AGAIN



the mess cleaning went easier and smoother as the Cleaning went on

I was getting smarter

...

I didn't even know how to READ or DRAW or DANCE or PLAY MUSIC

but as I cleaned I also EXCERCISED my Heart, My Brain, and My Body



I was 50 years of 'screwing up' my life

50 years of Cleaning and excersing (learning)

...

after all was said and done

it was another 50 years of living out a life of mechanics, mathmatics, dance, and poetry (ART..My Art:) that i was a proven a grown and fully functional individual



Most kids race through life trying to be able to do what they want

many die along the way doing what "THEY THOUGHT" was right

...

hey,.. i am not the dictionary Retard....look up the answers for yourself...it is the only way for an individual to be Aware of the TRUTH



signed and sealed

The Angel of the Lord;

WOLVERINE