Relax, Tricky Dickey, Texas Has You Covered

You aren't going to believe this but I read an editorial today that I totally don't agree with.  No, wait, it was two editorials.  So prepare to have your believability doubly strained.  First, though, I probably should explain tonight's title because it really has nothing to do with anything and it might end up just confusing you otherwise, and I would if I could.

But I can't because apparently someone (I don't know who it was but I can assure you it wasn't me) wasn't paying attention and all I know is that it's a punchline that Garry (http://www.wgnradio.com/shows/garrymeier/) used just a few minutes ago and, with or without a setup, it is too good to waste.

He also made a lot of great jokes about the airplane that flipped upside down because the "Flip Plane" button is right next to the "Unlock Cockpit Door" button that were funny but I'm not going to go into them because I feel sorry for that poor copilot because on far too many nuclear missile launch control panels, the "Destroy World" button is right next to the cigarette lighter and when you, through no fault of your own, accidentally press the wrong one, you have to listen to your boss whine about how you nearly started World War III and almost killed millions of people, again, for a whole month.

And flight decks are even worse.  Because they're almost always more crowded and confusing.  That's why I always avoid them.  And that just leads to yet another, "Darned if you do, darned if you don't," situation because your boss always comes up with some trivial excuse, like a little crash, to say,  "But you were flying the plane!!!!!!!!!  What were you doing in the stewardesses' restroom with Kelly and Wendy?  And how did you get three people in there in the first place?"

But you didn't come all this way tonight to hear me talk about my insanely pointlessly stupid and unfair day at work.  You came all this way to hear about the insanely pointlessly stupid editorials I read today.  So we may as well get started on the first one which was written by this lady in Washington (The state, not the DC and when are they going to clear up that confusion by giving one of them a different name, something like Crooktown, maybe) and was about the death penalty.

She, the crazy lady in Seattle, said that the death penalty is a great thing.  As long as it isn't misused.  Then she cited a few cases that prove that when The State Of Washington purposely brutally tortures someone to death, it is right and just.  As opposed to when a state like Georgia or Texas does it, because there it is just totally wrong.

And I really don't know what to say about it, so let's move onto the next one which was all about how Rahm Israel Emanuel wants to lengthen the school day in Chicago.  And I don't know how you feel about Rahm, because he's still a pretty cool guy, considering, but have you noticed that since he since he was elected, he walks around like he runs the place or something?

It just makes you want to say,  "Hey, Rahm, who died and made you Al Capone?"  But you don't dare do that because it'll just trigger another overly long drawn out boring soliloquy about all the things he has been to able to achieve that Dick couldn't.  Including parting and then walking across Lake Michigan, which, if you ask me, was just showing off.  And they always end with that same condescending,  "Someday, when you grow up and become mayor, you can do it any way you want but til then, we're going to to do it my way."

So maybe I shouldn't go into how stupid and pointless lengthening the school day is, because it might just cause the same thing and I don't need that.  So that leaves the two other things I wanted to talk about today, which are Jeff Terronez and Texas ending the last meal tradition for condemned prisoners but I'm going to skip them, too.

Because I have this insanely logical fear that Rahm, in a small minded attempt to get even, is going to lengthen the pizza delivery times in Chicago and then, of course, the rest of the state will follow suit because God forbid we don't do everything Chicago does, and that means if I don't go order one now, it'll never get here.

So if this one seems empty or incomplete to you, make sure you blame the right person:  Rahm Emanuel.